i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
