you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
