u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
