I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
