pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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