You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
