If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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