Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
