Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
