Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
