And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
