In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
