Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
