Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
