either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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