You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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