hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
