sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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