He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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