What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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