How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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