Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
