I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
