i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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