Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
