His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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