suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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