The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
