Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
pop tarts are not kleenex
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
