My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
