were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
