One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
