david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
