And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
