no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
