That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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