I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
