We won't sleep together?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
