Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
