I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
