I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm too high and old for this...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
