Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
