Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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