im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
