i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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