I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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