It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize