How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
