Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
