i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize