i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
