i just had sex bonerless
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
