peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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