Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
