that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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