I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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