we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
