haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
