There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
