my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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