and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
