So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
