She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize