and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
