Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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