So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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