Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I lost the right to judge tonight
Terrible idea I love it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
