So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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