i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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