I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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