Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
