I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize