ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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