everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
